From Shadow to Spotlight: Building Confidence as a Next Gen Leader

This is the second in our four-part series, Finding Your Voice in the Family Business. This series focuses on helping the next generation of family business leaders build confidence by finding their voices and assisting founders in learning to hear them. Whether you’re a founder, a spouse, or a next gen, these articles will give you tools to build trust, respect, and a legacy that lasts.

Read the first article here.

From Shrinking to Standing Tall

It was the quarterly planning session for a family I was working with. During the session, "Emma", the founder’s daughter, presented a new digital strategy that I knew she’d been working diligently on for two weeks before this meeting. Three minutes in, her uncle repeated her main idea almost word-for-word, earning immediate praise from the founder.

I saw Emma visibly shrink, and so did her cousin, who quickly interjected by saying, “It sounds like there’s alignment here. Good job, Emma. Why don’t you walk us through how you’d implement this?”

That slight redirection shifted the energy in the room. Emma finished her presentation, took questions confidently, and left the meeting with the team's new respect. The shift wasn’t just in how others saw her; it was in how she saw herself.

Confidence doesn’t magically appear when someone hands you a title or a seat at the table. Many next gens I work with carry a subtle (or not-so-subtle) burden of comparison. The founder’s track record looms large, and the unspoken message can be: Don’t speak until you can match it.

There’s also the reality of family relationships. Disagreeing with a founder who is also your parent can feel like you’re challenging more than a business idea- you’re challenging the person who raised you. That dynamic can keep you silent, even when you have something valuable to add.

In another family business, I watched a similar moment go uncorrected. The founder’s son suggested a cost-saving process change in a leadership meeting. Minutes later, a senior non-family executive reframed the same idea and received immediate praise. The founder reinforced the executive’s point but never acknowledged his son’s contribution.

That was the last time this son participated in these meetings, and by the time the founder realized his absence, the habit of silence had set in.

How Next Gens Can Support Themselves

You don’t have to start by making sweeping proposals or leading major projects. In fact, confidence often grows faster when you start small:

1. Use allies wisely. If you have an idea, float it to a trusted team member or advisor who can support it in the room.

2. Come prepared with facts. Data has a way of cutting through doubt, both yours and theirs.

3. Speak early in meetings. The longer you wait, the harder it is to break the silence.

4. Ask thoughtful questions. It shows curiosity, not confrontation.

5. Document your ideas. Even if an idea is dismissed now, you can revisit it later with updates and supporting evidence.

6. Follow through. When you commit to something, deliver. Each small win builds your credibility.

And when possible, first gain experience outside of the family business. It’s one of the most effective ways to gain confidence, earn respect from others, and bring a fresh perspective to the table.

What Founders Can Do

1. Credit out loud. If you hear an idea from your next gen, name it in the room.

2. Ask for their perspective first. By making the next gen part of the decision discussion, they feel heard.

3. Normalize learning in public. Allow space for the next gen to make suggestions that aren’t perfect. It’s how they’ll grow.

Shifting from Pleasing to Contributing

Ultimately, finding your voice is less about pleasing the founder and more about contributing to the success of the business. That means accepting that not every idea will land. And that’s okay. What matters is building the habit of showing up, prepared and ready to add value.

Next up in this series, “Listening Without Losing Control”, we’ll look at the founder’s side of the equation – and why learning to listen truly is the most underrated leadership skill in a family business.